The Hourglass

I'm stuck here in this hour glass,

Time is standing still.

Emotions and desires, the sands of time will heal.  

Broken, bruised, abandoned,

Yet I seek to do Gods will. 

I miss them every moment, each breath exhausting pain!

I'm desperate for the moment I can hold them in my arms again. 

The sand runs through this hourglass, 

I'm helpless to erase,

Betrayal, lies, and hatred fill so much of my empty space. 

Forgive them Lord, completely, Lord, they know not what they do; 

I try so hard my father, to think and act just like you. 

How much longer will I be here, in this cold and lonely place? 

I've lost count of the tears I've cried, that stream down my sad face. 

You keep them in your bottle, Lord, I imagine what they're for. 

My ways are not your ways, my thoughts are neither nor. 

I cannot grasp the depths of love that lift me up to walk on stormy seas. 

You rescue me from darkness, I carry sin no more. Your yoke is easy, your burden is light, and each day, you carry me.

I'm tired, restless, and impatient, Lord, I trust you all my days. 

I wish that I could understand these dark and weary ways! My heart is broke in pieces, I've never felt so whole. Each day your love surrounds me, and brings comfort to my soul. 

I feel so desperate, so alone, I cannot stand my breath. I long to feel the sting of death, that robs it from my chest. 

Like Job, I curse my day of birth, each day has been so hard! I bless your name, I lift you high, my memories are blurred! 

I want to hold my children Lord, I long for their embrace! I'll wait for you, each breath, O Lord, as tears fall down my face. 

Ignite

June 1 2017

Today is the day that the sparks will ignite

You thought I'd give up but now I'm ready to fight

6 months you have tortured, shamed, and abused me

No longer will I sit back in fear allowing you to bruise me

My whole world has crumbled tumbled and cried

To the point I wish you would disappear and die

Today is the day when the sparks will ignite 

You thought I'd give up but now I'm ready to fight

No longer will I lay down 

no longer will I cry 

I'll fight till my last breath 

I'll never give up, never stop trying

You will not be the death of me

I won't give up this fight

No longer have control of me

No longer make me cry

Today is the day when the sparks will ignite 

You thought I'd give up but I'm ready to fight

No longer will I sit back in fear allowing you to bruise me

My whole world has crumbled tumbled and cried

But today is the day when the sparks will ignite

No longer will I lay down no longer will I cry 

I'll fight till my last breath 

I'll never give up, but the sparks will ignite 

Today is the day when the sparks will ignite 

You thought I'd give up but now I'm ready to fight

No longer will I lay down no longer will I cry 

I'll never give up no matter what you try

I'll fight till my last breath, I won't lay down and die. 

Cause today is the day that the sparks will ignite

House of tears

In this house full of tears 

I've cried and I've cried

Sadness falls around me until I thought I'd die

When the world falls all around me 

It's all that I can do

Remind myself of all of the crazy things that I've been through

My faith is strong and I must read

Your words That I've been standing on

Replace lies with truth again

Remembering the old me's gone

I am a child of God and loved by you you know the things I do

I am a child of God and you know all the things that I've been through

And now I'll keep on walking forward with my back against my fears

Cause I'm standing strong and moving on 

in this house you've filled with tears

I keep my mind surrounded

With all the ones I love

With a grateful heart

Each day I thank the Lord for blessings here and up above

Your presence it surrounds me

And comforts from within

And pieces me together in this house that's filled with tears

My friends and family comes and goes

No matter how I've tried

To keep it all together with

The many things I know 

I am a child of God and loved by you you know the things I do

I'm a child of God and you know all the things that I've been through

And now I'll keep on walking forward with my back against my fears

Cause I'm standing strong and moving on 

in this house you've filled with tears

I am a child of God and loved by you you know the things I do

I'm a child of God and you know all the things that I've been through

And now I'll keep on walking forward with my back against my fears

Cause I'm standing strong and moving on 

in this house you've filled with tears

Illusion

You started a war

Now I'll Settle the score

You started this Fight

Now ending this is my Plight

Never again

No longer will you win

I'll Take it all back

Close the door on your every sin

The Rift is expansive and I've reached the Conclusion

Your love isn't real, it's just an Illusion

You've kept me Imprisoned

In chains, bound in shackles 

Made every single fucking day of my life a battle 

But I've cut you off, with a double edged knife

Now I abhor you

Never again will I adore you

Forever, You repulse me

Look into my eyes

Can't you see that I despise you? 

You disgust me, make me sick, you 

Sick sadistic bitch

My heart no longer cares for you! It's locked up, on ice, pent, restrained, restricted, sealed up and protected! 

You started a war now I'm settling the score. 

Consummation

Culmination

Termination

Don't hold your breath

Not on your life

Not under any condition or occasion! 

Your Affliction is progressive, hateful and aggressive. 

Your mind is Unsound, your hearts in the ground. 

Today, I am faultless, flawless, perfect, unbroken.

I no longer consider any words you have spoken. 

You started a war, now I'll settle the score. I no longer adore you, my love trampled in the courts. 

I no longer consider any words you have spoken. 

You started a war, now I'll settle the score. 

Wish You Were Here

I'm sitting here in an old corn field

Drinking a cold beer and

Thinking about how much I wish you were here

Driving down these dirt roads playing hard in these corn rows

Watching your face lit up by the glow of the moon light

Then suddenly I realize how much I miss looking in your soft blue eyes!

I wonder what it is you're thinking now, 

Are ya thinking about me too? 

Well I miss

Kissing you on your tender lips

Touching you with my fingertips

Hearing the sounds under moonlight

Well hear this

Still thinking bout you, don't want no one else

Driving you round through these corn rows

Seeing your eyes in the moons glow

Baby where'd did yours and my love go? 

I'm sitting here in an old corn field

Drinking a cold beer and

Thinking about how much I wish you were here

Baby I wish you were here

Nowhere

Trip outta town, couldn't turn this one down! 

No matter what's wrong, you turn my frown upside down.

Inhaling the scent of those back country roads, goin somewhere with you where nobody else knows. 

Wind in my hair, your scent in my face

Every moment with you, such a familiar place.

Just me and you, our hearts set on fire! The longer the ride, the stronger the desire. 

Ridin heavy, ridin hard; breathing you in, consuming your heart.

Goin nowhere with you, and knowing right where we are. 

We're lost in each other's eyes, and loving the dark, Intense is the passion, so baby, don't put it in park! 

Don't stop for nothin,' Let's get to that place! I'm longin' to touch you, lost tight in your embrace. 

Never knew I could feel like this,

You've stolen my heart! 

Just me and you, our hearts set on fire! The longer the ride, the stronger the desire. 

Take me away to nowhere, cause that's where I wanna be. 

Don't want no other lovers,

No one but you & me. 

The roads may be twisted and winding and long; 

Each breath, every moment, the passion is strong. 

Intensity consumes me, your love moves right through me. 

Just me and you, our hearts set on fire! The longer the ride, the stronger the desire. 

Ridin heavy, ridin hard; breathing you in, consuming your heart.

Wind in my hair, your scent in my face

Every moment with you, such a familiar place.

Goin nowhere with you, and knowing right where we are. 

Death of a Mother

When the tears won't stop falling, and the pain keeps on growing...

Don't know how much more I can take, not knowing. 

If ever a day comes when I can take no more, let it be known it was caused by the courts. 

My mother and sister stole my children away, I can't hear their laughter, their voices or play. 

The days are growing darker, the time soon will change. 

The holidays are looming and haunting my brain. 

I've made phone calls and emails, calls texts and unending pleas.

I get no responses, no regards for our needs. 

We've missed almost a year, the worst of my fears fall in cascades around me.

Don't wanna keep on with all the pain and these tears that well up inside me.

To my children, I love you! I'm sorry I'm not strong. It's obvious you're doing well, and each day will go on. 

I can't live without you.

I can't stand this pain. 

No matter how hard we've strived, there's been zero gain. 

We've paid money, lost it all, written letters and made numerous calls. 

They say there is nothing they will do for us at all. 

I've written many things, it's all over the web. 

I hope the legacy I've created will be enough when I am dead. 

My heart it is simple, but too large and too deep. It calls for me to go now, one last and final sleep. 

Never doubt my love for you, every breath has been for you. I'm sorry I have failed each of you, too early in your youth. 

Please break the ties that bind you to the evilness of her generation. Else you'll be caught too in this epic self centered relation. 

Your grandmother Laverne did the same to her daughter Glenda so many years ago. Zorra Rainer can tell you so much more than I know. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 

I know it's not enough. But I just can't take the heartache of remaining so tough. 

Stephen, I'm so proud of the man you've become! Please tell your brother and sister and yourself that everything I am that is anything good is all because of the three of you! 

Because of my love for you, I promise to live on. I don't know how I'll do it, but I've lasted this long! 

Someday when you escape or when they release you, please come look for me. I'll be some where surrounded by the tallest of pine trees. There'll be flowing water and wildlife and mountains galore. There at the bottom of the tallest pine floor, don't be afraid, don't worry, please knock on my door. I'll open it wide and welcome you home like never before.